The cover for the journal in which I will be one of 12 featured poets, with nine of my poems.

Here's the cover art and an order link from the published.  It will be out in early July,  more later.Assaracus, July 2014, Issue 15, Sibling Rivalry Press

On contemplative photography and impermanence

I did another contemplative photograph walk Sunday in downtown Kalamazoo.  It is a great place to walk and see. And I do feel the practice part of this activity--the focusing on what is in front me in a much fuller way than my monkey mind usually allows. During this walk, the shadows were amazing.  And seeing them, one at time, did bring me to a place I know occasionally in meditation.

I have an old friend who was diagnosed with a fairly serious cancer. We haven't seen each other much in the three decades I have known her, so I can't say we are close. But I have always registered pretty strongly with the way she sees the world and what "right action" is for us human beings.  She is doing an amazing job of writing about her experiences with her illness and treatment. She is experiencing impermanence, and the related sanctity of being in the present moment, in a larger way than I ever.  I am inspired (and a bit frightened) by what she has been sharing so eloquently.

So I plan to keep practicing even when it's hard.  It's all I know to do.  Here's to meditation and contemplative photography practice



--I hope you enjoy a few of my latest photos.

Writing about Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church

It’s only been a little over two years since I started this path of writing poetry. I write, of course, about things that register with me, usually in some emotional way: growing up gay in the time and place I did, my mother and her death, getting older, being more aware of impermanence, my meditation practice, my long term relationship, etc. When the Catholic Church sexual abuse scandal first started getting widespread media attention, I did not know what to make of it. It felt disturbing and close to home, but I didn’t quite know how. I knew that a teacher at my all-boys Catholic high school had molested one of the only friends with whom I have stayed in touch over the decades. I did not know how else it all had touched me. I had not explored how growing up in the environment that “housed” such abuse may have affected me, even though I was not sexually abused in any physical way. I started learning a lot, and wrestling with lots of my own feelings.

I discovered that one of the parish priests who trained me as an altar boy, and with whom I often served Mass, was a perpetrator. I read some documents about his particular case that the courts forced my old diocese to release.  I recalled some of his verbal behavior with me in the confessional that I am now pretty sure fits the category of abusive. I recalled a conversation with my mother that was about him. On Calvary Hill is about all that. It is the second poem that has made it to press about sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. It is in five parts, two of which are “found poems” with wording taken directly from all those documents. That poem will be out soon, with eight other poems, in the July 2014 edition of Assaracus: A Journal of Gay Poetry.

New Verse News in February of this year, published Defrocking. NVN is an online journal and you can find my poem here: http://newversenews.blogspot.com/2014/02/defrocking.html.  In many ways, it has a similar focus to On Calvary Hill, but not as much of a narrative poem, more political, and mostly has an angry and sarcastic edge.

I have other poems in various stages that focus on sexual abuse in the Catholic Church. I hope that one or two of them will see the light day in publication. I am making this blog entry because I spent some time today working on one of those poems. I am often as left in a certain mental and emotional space after working on writing in the area. I thought sharing that might be of some use to others. I feel some anger, often less at individuals and more at the Church culture and system. I feel sorta sick to my stomach too and like I want to take a shower and get clean. But in the middle of all that, I feel better about myself—I often do when writing anything personal—like I am affirming that what I have experienced and have to say is indeed viable, real, worthy. When writing in this area, it feels like that sense of affirmation holds some extra power. I think for me it is saying that even though my damage was “collateral” so to speak, I too survived growing up Catholic at a time when sexual abuse was hidden but pervasive.  It feels good to say, hopefully with some poetic grace and power—all that was pretty sick stuff and that’s where I spent a lot of my boyhood.

Some contemplative photography . . .

I dabble in what is called contemplative photography. From what I understand the idea is less about creating photographs and more about contemplative practice. Here is my own few sentences length thumbnail about the process. First, connect with your breath; if you are a meditator, the instruction "take good head and shoulders" apply. Then as you begin a state of mind like meditation, just start looking around you. It does not have to be in any particular place, and you are certainly not searching for anything beautiful or even interesting to capture. It is more like you are experiencing the phenomenal world more "as it as", instead of as we create it to be in our heads. Wait for a visual "flash" of sorts, something that catches your perception. Breath and take it in. When (not if, at least in my case) you begin to think about what you seeing, notice the thoughts and non-attach to those thoughts, as in mindfulness meditation practice. Just stay as much as you can in this "noticing" process. Only after the noticing thoroughly, do you pick the camera up and try to capture what you saw as best you can.  The photograph is really kind of an after-thought.

This is just my own "off the top of my head" description as I have come to practice contemplative photography. For more information there is a great book available, here is it's Amazon link: 

The Practice of Contemplative Photograph by Andy Carr and Michael Wood

One example of my own contemplative photography is on this blog that appears to right--the photo with the leaf embedded in the fallen rain on our deck in our backyard. It was the one of the first contemplative photographs I took and is still my favorite. Here are some examples of what I have "noticed" on a very recent contemplative photography outing in downtown Kalamazoo.

Big News--Ten Poems accepted for publication in Assaracus: A Journal of Gay Poetry

OK--I have news that I am still a bit stunned about. Assaracus: A Journal of Gay Poetry has accepted 10 of my poems. I am to be one of 8-10 or so poets featured probably in its April 2014 in the July 2014 issue. Byran Borland, the editor, is the poet that inspired me to begin writing poetry in March 2102. Assaracus is a journal that has made a major hit in LGBT literary circles and I am thrilled beyond words. Here is a link to the journal, check it out or buy a copy or two (just save some money for the April July 2014 issue!)
Link to Assaracus: A Journal of Gay Poetry

A poem with Bambi and my mother's death

Dale Wisely edits Right Hand Pointing (as in right hand pointing left I think), a online journal of short poetry.  It is fine journal--I particularly love shorter poetry and lean in that direction in my writing.  I don't love every piece in every issue, but almost always I love two or three--which actually says a lot about how my tastes fit well with the journal.

Plus Dale (known for his editorial friendliness) is a psychologist-turned-poet-editor type like I am trying to be (without the editor part).  Check out the journal overall.

My poem is located here:  Again, published in Right Hand Pointing

BUT before you read it, you might want to refresh your childhood (somewhat traumatic usually) movie memory here: Bambi's mother is killed--film clip

Two poems with a political slant published in New Verse News

New Verse News is a great blog/journal that is poetry responding to current news in the world from a progressive point of view.  It is a pretty amazing publication and I suggest everyone put it on their regular news feeds.

So I was thrilled when they published two of my poems recently. First, as I was listening to the coverage of the Supreme Court hearing on DOMA and California proposition, this poem just came out of me. It is called Holy Week 2013:

Holy Week 2013 published in New Verse News


Then in late July--the beginning of the coverage of the Pope's improving attitude (if not policies) toward LGBT folks--I am really glad to see to see the change in attitude, but I also believe what I wrote for New Verse News in July:

Who Am I To Judge published in New Verse News